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給過去的那個我:兩年前,你是快樂的完整的。你對人生有清楚的規劃:創業、加入學校的家長導護制度、教你兒子騎腳踏車、陪他運動、盡量多花時間陪爸媽與朋友、看著孩子成長、跟老公一起變老。你是那樣的樂觀-看到半杯水你看到的是還有半杯水,相信每件事情都有他美妙的地方,總是感到這麼快樂。你總是看向未來,從不回首或後悔。你微笑也常常大笑。你跳舞。但你再也不是這樣的人了。

To the mom I used to be: Two years ago, you were happy and whole. You had a plan for life — start a new business, get involved in the school PTA, teach your sons how to ride bicycles and play sports, spend as much time with your friends and parents as possible, watch your children mature, grow old with your husband. You were optimistic — a "glass half full" person who saw the silver lining in every cloud and often felt so much joy you thought you would burst. You always looked forward — never backwards, no regrets. You smiled and laughed a lot. You danced. You aren't that person anymore.

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2012年,也就是兩年前的12月14日,世界變了,你也變了。一個心理變態的年輕男子帶者強大的槍枝去你兒子的學校,殺了六個老師與二十個一年級小朋友。你的大兒子Jake沒有事情,但他在那天變了,因為他了解到世界上的確是有怪獸的。當他描述那天時,他說那是“學校變成地獄的時刻”。你的小兒子Dylan,那個純真、有著迷人的眼睛、感染人心的笑聲與溫暖擁抱人的小兒子,被殺死了。他被打了很多槍,當場死在試圖保護他的特教老師的懷中,特教老師也被殺死了。

Two years ago, on December 14, 2012, the world changed and you changed with it. A disturbed young man with access to high-powered firearms went to your sons' school and killed six educators and twenty first-graders. Your eldest son Jake survived, but was changed by the day he discovered some monsters are real. He describes it as the day "when hell came to my school." Your youngest son, Dylan, your beautiful baby boy who you thought of as pure love, with his captivating eyes, infectious giggle and warm deep cuddles, was killed. Shot multiple times, dying instantly in the arms of his special education assistant who also died while trying to protect him. 

這樣的悲劇徹徹底底的改變了你的生活,不只是因為你的小孩子不在了,而是你心中總是有個永遠也無法填滿的洞。你的大兒子因為弟弟莫名其妙的被奪走生命而被迫快速成長。這樣的痛苦改變了你先生的常有的表情。你看世界的方式變了。你與朋友或家人互動也變得生疏。你變得嚴厲。再也不是那樂觀主義,現在的你更實際更堅硬。還有你常常回首過去。

The tragedy changed every single aspect of your life, not only because of the obvious absence of your child, but because of the constant hole inside you that can never be filled. Your eldest son has been forced to grow up way too fast because of the unfathomable loss of his baby brother. The pain has altered the lines on your husband’s face. The way you look at the world has changed. Your interactions with friends and family seem foreign. You've become much harder. No longer brimming with optimism, you are now someone far more realistic and still. And you look back so much more. 

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你看人生的過程變成了“之前”與“之後”兩大階段。大兒子Jake五年級的學校拍的照片寄來家裡了。但照片依然在桌上,因為你還沒把那些照片放進相框裡,Dylan的照片就擺在旁邊。這件事情對你來說太難了,太快了。Jake每天都在長大,但Dylan卻凍結在時間之流。即使事情已經發生兩年了,你依然拒絕接受。你床頭櫃抽屜裡還留者Dylan的乳牙 、頭髮,旁邊就放者他的骨灰。你擁有的小兒子就只有這麼多了。

You view life through the prism of "before” and “after." Jake’s fifth grade photos came recently. They are still sitting on a table because you haven’t put them in the frame that sits next to Dylan’s last school photo. It’s too hard for you — too soon. Jake is getting older. But Dylan is frozen in time forever. Even after two years, there’s this denial that is still very present inside you. You have Dylan’s baby teeth and a lock of his hair on your bedside cabinet, beside the urn holding his ashes. That’s all you have of your little boy now.

心很痛。心真的很痛。你努力的壓抑自己的感覺,因為你怕如果你把情緒宣洩出來,你可能永遠無法恢復了。如果你真的開始哭,你可能永遠都停不下來。你將會被摧毀。重要的事情是:你可以不要當這個悲傷的媽媽。給所有正在看這篇文章的父母親:這可以不是你的故事。因為所有跟槍枝有關的死亡案件都是可以預防的。這並不是隨機的事件,你甚至不能說這永遠不回發生在我身上。其實這事可能發生在任何人身上、在任何地方、任何時間點的。你就是需要對這夠關心,在悲劇發生前真正的有所行動。

It hurts. It just hurts. You suppress your feelings as much as you can because you fear if you really let it out, you would never recover. If you started truly crying, you would never be able to stop. It would destroy you. And here's the thing — you didn't have to be that Mom. For all the Moms and Dads reading this now — this doesn't have to be you. Because every gun-related death is a preventable death. These are not random acts. You can’t ever say, “This will never happen to me.” It can happen to anyone, at any point, at any place. You have to care enough and be insightful enough to do something before it’s too late.

保護孩子不受槍枝暴力的威脅有很多種形式。對有些人來說是透過政策的改變,這是一條很長很挫折的路,當然這不是唯一的形式。有意義的小行動也會帶來改變。如果你有五分鐘的時間,在吃晚餐的時候與你的孩子討論槍枝暴力的問題。如果你有兩小時,跟其他的家長討論這個狀況。如果每個月有一天的時間可以貢獻在這議題上,學習如何分辨哪些孩子可能有槍枝暴力的問題,並馬上與他們的父母親告知。但如果你什麼都不做,那麼亡者的犧牲將毫無意義,生者依然不受保護。

Taking action to protect children from gun violence can take many forms. For some people that means fighting for policy and political change — that can be a long, frustrating road, and certainly not the only option. Small but meaningful actions create change. If you have five minutes, start a dialogue at the dinner table about gun violence with your kids. If you have two hours, host a conversation with other parents. If you can dedicate one day a month, work with educators on how to better recognize the signs of children who may be troubled and reach out to their parents immediately. But to do nothing? That doesn’t honor the dead and doesn’t protect the living.

從家庭、學校、雇主到社會上的每個人都有個非常重要的事情該做,那就是在這個人傷害別人或是傷害自己前,發現他有問題。我們要教導我們的孩子如何處理憤怒與衝突,因為太多的槍枝暴力都是來自怒氣與恐懼。在面對憤怒與恐懼的時候學習用別的方法發洩而不是去攻擊別人。我們必須要能夠分辨在社群媒體上透露出的訊息,分辨這個人只是生氣還是真的會做出對別人有威脅性的行為。我們與孩子之間必須保持溝通才可以。

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One of the most important actions families, schools, employers and communities can do is learn the signs of someone in crisis and then intervene before they hurt themselves or someone else. We need to teach kids better anger management and conflict resolution skills, because much of gun violence stems from anger and fear. Learning other ways to deal with anger and fear rather than striking out at someone is a good first step. We need to recognize the signs on social media— and know the difference between someone who is just angry and someone who poses an imminent threat. Lines of communication always need to remain open between ourselves and our children.

現在我漸漸可以感覺到我的樂觀態度回來中,因為有越來越多的人開始注重這個議題。我們的努力開始有更多的人關切。我相信將會有巨大個的改變。我知道我們Sandy Hook Promise 的行動將會保護更多孩童。我們的努力帶來許多好的結果。但每完成一些事、達成某種勝利,總是會在某個時刻,我感到特別的悲傷。因為不論怎樣,Dylan是不會再回來了。我心中的那個洞是永遠不會再完整了。不論有多少生命可能以他或其他犧牲者之名而被拯救,我再也不會是過去的我了。但你,你可以往前看並真正做點改變。

Love,

Nicole Hockley, 也是Dylan的媽媽筆

I am beginning to feel some of my old optimism returning, because more and more people are engaging around this issue. Our conversation is gaining momentum. I sense a sea change is coming. I know everything we’re doing at Sandy Hook Promise will protect more children. We’re fighting a good fight. But after every sort of victory, there’s also a moment of incredible sadness for me, for whatever happens, I know I still can’t bring Dylan back. That hole will never be filled. No matter how many lives get saved in his name, or in the name of others, I can’t go back. But you can go forward and make a difference.

With love, Nicole Hockley, a.k.a. Dylan’s mom


 

JL碎念~

是不是看了覺得很沈重?T_T

讓我想起最近鄭捷的捷運砍人案,東海發出的信件中說:「無論憂喜勝敗,都是我們的家人,我們愛著他們,卻也不夠愛著他們」。

Just DO SOMETHING before its too late!

原文在這裡:http://www.today.com/parents/sandy-hook-moms-letter-mom-i-used-be-1D80353426?cid=sm_fbn

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